The label of sympathy: when a colleague or customer suffers a loss

When a colleague, coworker, or business partner loses a family member, are they caught up in the label of sympathy? Wondering how you should handle this type of situation? Are you worried about using the wrong words or meddling in the other person’s pain?

As a result, how often have you ended up doing or saying nothing and then repenting?

When someone you work with suffers a loss, the kindest thing to do is acknowledge the fact and show that you care. It is just as important to show your pain in a business relationship as it is in a personal relationship. Don’t withhold your support because you feel uncomfortable. It’s not about you.

When you see the family, don’t be afraid to mention the name of the deceased. Despite what you may think, this does not make people feel worse. You are honoring their loss.

Recognize all family members. Introduce yourself and spend time with them, not just the people you know. No one should have to guess who you are and what your connection to your loss is. Be prepared to introduce yourself and explain your relationship to the deceased.

Share your best memories of the deceased with the family. This is a time when people need to hear stories about the person they just lost. Laughter and happy stories are healing and in no way disrespectful to anyone.

It is not unusual to attend the funeral or visitation when you did not know the person who died. You go for your colleague or friend, the survivor, who is suffering.

Be prepared to listen. The grieving family member may want to share their feelings. No prolonged verbal response is required on your part. All that is needed is an open ear and a sympathetic assent. It’s okay to say, “How do you feel?” When you do, be sure to hear the answer.

Attend the service if you can, no matter what is on your schedule. It is comforting for the family to see people who care about their loss.

Write a note of condolences in addition to attending the service. People will keep those handwritten expressions of sympathy and treasure them for many years to come.

Whatever you do, don’t email your condolences unless you’re in Outer Mongolia and that’s your only option. Email lacks the personal touch that this painful moment deserves.

Offer to help in any way you can to set the family free to cry. More mundane tasks, like walking the dog or mowing the lawn, can go a long way.

After the funeral is over, stay in touch. Reaching out as time passes may be more meaningful than your initial response at the time of death.

Forget what people say about a year of grief, the pain lasts more than a year. Mark the date of death on your calendar. Call, visit, or send a note on the anniversary of the loss.

Part of building business relationships can be sharing the saddest moments. Knowing what is expected will make you more confident and more likely to do what serves others best.

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