Empaths are more than empaths. Much like a HSP (very sensitive person), they are highly attuned to other people’s stimuli and emotions and energy, usually to a degree considered transpersonal or paranormal. They can be codependent and end up in abusive relationships. Let us first consider some definitions. An HSP has a rich inner life and a deep central nervous system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli. So an HSP can also be an empath, but encompasses more attributes. A codependent is someone whose feelings, thoughts, and actions revolve around another person.
Empaths and Codependency
A codependent doesn’t need to be an empath and an empath doesn’t need to be codependent. Some people justify or glorify their codependency by the fact that they are empaths; however, codependency is a very specific thing. Your focus may revolve around another person, without really empathizing with what that person is experiencing. Codependents might do this to find out the other person’s mood and then gauge how to react and like them. They may not know their own feelings or what the other person feels or cares about very much; especially if your behavior is causing them pain; for example, due to addiction, abuse, or if the person is emotionally unavailable.
Conversely, an empath can tune in to another person’s feelings, but also be very aware of their own and not change their behavior to manipulate the situation. They can express affection or offer help, but they also have firm limits to protect themselves and not overdo it. They may also realize that the other person is not ready to receive or want help. If they feel unsafe or abused, they may leave the person to protect themselves. In other words, an empath can have healthy boundaries and not necessarily put the other person’s well-being above their own.
Many times empaths become healers and have to learn to protect their energy field so as not to absorb negative energy from people in their personal and professional relationships. He was an empath and HSP growing up, but he didn’t know it. From a very young age I was very interested in the psyche and dreams and later had psychic experiences. Looking back, the signs were there of being sensitive to loud noises, pungent odors, nylon stockings and rough fabric, and other people’s energy and feelings. Although I wasn’t shy, I now understand why I preferred nature to cities and disliked malls and crowds, preferring small shops, intimate gatherings, and sitting at the front of the class and across the aisle at movie theaters.
I was also codependent. Having had a controlling and narcissistic mother, my voice and real, authentic self were crushed. I learned to ignore my feelings and needs and accommodate those of other people in close relationships. Naturally, I was considered “too” sensitive.
abusive relationships
Codependent empaths have the dual problem of weak boundaries and disconnection from themselves, while being highly sensitive to other people. They are vulnerable to abuse for several reasons:
Empaths can be sucked into sympathizing with addicts and people with borderline personality disorders who play the victim with stories of grief. They then feel responsible and cannot leave because their sick companions behave in such a needy and dependent manner, sometimes threatening suicide or self-destructive behavior, while affirming how important empathy is to them.
Empaths and recovery from codependency
Codependency recovery work has allowed me to empathize with myself and with others without giving up my needs and desires. By regaining the lost connection to myself, I no longer tolerate drama, get along well, and feel comfortable setting boundaries with other people.
recovery stepsinclude:
Do the exercises to overcome shame, Self Love Meditation and learn to be assertive and defend yourself.
© 2021 Darlene Lancer