Both PETA and SPCA would be proud of me, although getting their approval has never been high on my list of goals. It all started the other day when my wife came home with a six-pack of Fiji water. I don’t know why water from the myriad sources in the United States is not suitable, but after many years of marriage I learned the golden rule for husbands: “Don’t ask.”
For your information, Fiji is an island nation in the South Pacific Ocean east of Vanuatu, west of Tonga, and south of Tuvalu; I know I’m clear, but in case you’re less geographically savvy, let me add that Fiji is about 4,776 miles from Los Angeles and a couple thousand more from Georgia.
I was pouring a glass of water out of our refrigerator door through a filter that needed changing for six months when my wife said our Bulldog wanted water. After washing her bowl, she filled it with the aforementioned Fiji water. Let’s go back to the fridge water for a minute.; I used to buy those $50 filters until I found out that when the light turns red (which means get a new filter) if you push the button a few times it turns green again. Don’t tell my wife.
In 2006, 119 million liters of water were imported into the US from Fiji. It’s a hit with the LA fashion set and I don’t mean Lower Alabama. Upscale restaurateurs serve the drink to their wealthy patrons, not realizing that it also seems to be a favorite of my English Bulldog, Stonewall.
Generally speaking, Bulldogs are not known to be particularly picky when it comes to the water they drink. They have even been known to drink from the toilet bowl. So my considered opinion is that importing water over five thousand miles for the Bulldog is a bit of a stretch.
But perhaps the bigger question is who came up with the idea of bottling water in Fiji for export to the United States? Did a couple of native Fijians sitting on a white sand beach looking out at the incredible blue-green ocean decide that bottling Fijian water was a sure ticket to riches?
They must have believed one or more of the following: A, America needs a new source of bottled water; B, People in the United States will buy anything; C, Complaints from environmentalists will be ignored by status-seeking bottled water aficionados; D, People in the United States will buy anything. Oops, I already said that.
Of course, Bulldog owners know that nothing, and I mean nothing, is too good for their Bulldog.
Reminds me of the time I ran out of shampoo and someone suggested using the dog’s shampoo. Then I realized that I couldn’t afford to use the dog shampoo. I pay about a dollar for a bottle of my shampoo and fifteen dollars for the special medicated shampoo for dogs.
Living the life of a dog, at least in my house, is not so bad. He eats expensive food, sleeps in his bed next to ours, walks and plays with him, receives excellent medical care, has someone who brushes his teeth, cleans his ears, trims his nails and gives him a bath every day. weeks. He poops in the garden and I clean it. Not to mention that he sometimes drinks Fiji water and I never.