How can you learn to do something new, something that others seem to be able to do “naturally”?
The answer lies in “modeling”, the basis of Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
Essentially, you can acquire a new ability in the same way that you mastered the other unconscious abilities you already have:
* Identify the steps (moving from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence)
* Focus on carrying out the steps, one at a time (from conscious incompetence to conscious competence)
* Repeat and refine until you can do it easily and reliably (from conscious competition to unconscious competition)
You probably appreciate how this process could describe something like learning to drive. But what about a management skill like “influencing”?
There are two main difficulties here: identifying the steps and repeating them enough times.
The first part is difficult because there seem to be intangible elements to what makes for effective influence. Copying their words and actions is not enough.
The second part is difficult because you assume that “influencing” is an ability you are born with. So, it doesn’t occur to you that it’s something to practice. And do you really want to fail publicly, many times, while going through the trial and error circuit?
In his book “NLP Modeling”, Robert Dilts identifies eight components in the process:
1. Determine the specific topics, contexts, and skills to be addressed.
2. Select the individuals to model.
3. Establish and execute modeling scenarios and procedures to engage capabilities or performance to examine and collect the necessary information.
4. Identify relevant patterns in the behavior, strategies and beliefs, etc., of the individuals that have been modeled.
5. Organize the patterns that have been discovered in a descriptive and prescriptive structure; That is, a “model”.
6. Experimentally test and refine the model by testing it in the relevant contexts to see if it achieves the desired results.
7. Design effective installation/intervention procedures and tools to transfer or apply the key elements of the model to others.
8. Measure the results obtained by applying the model.
Step 4 in this sequence is critical. It involves going beyond superficial words and actions to the values and beliefs that the model person brings to the context and then to the mental patterns that the model performs.
These patterns, known as “strategies,” should be broken down into smaller steps by answering the questions: “How do you know when to start?”, “What do you do?”, “How do you know when to stop?”, and “How do you finish?” The acronym TOTE is used to indicate the sequence: Test –> Operate –> Test –> Exit.
For example, a strategy for dealing with a meeting that has run out of steam might be:
TEST: See people collapsed in their flesh, hear negative words, spoken in monotones
OPERATE: Take a break and talk to key people. Change the schedule.
TEST: See people upright and animated. listen to positive voices
LEAVE: resume the meeting and continue
The “Operate” part could well be broken down further until the critical elements that make the entire strategy effective are understood.
In addition to the detailed strategy, the values and beliefs that underlie your performance are also important. This is because others respond to small, unconscious variations in your movements, phrasing, rhythm, and tonality. These reflect your emotional state and your “attitude”, that is, what is important to you and what you believe about yourself, other people and the situation.
The other key part of the modeling process that isn’t obvious is step 7: “installing” all of this on yourself or someone else.
The basis of most of the techniques used here is the idea of ”mental rehearsal”. It really is much more powerful than it seems because the unconscious mind does not distinguish between imaginary events and “real” events. So imagining acting out a particular scenario is just as effective a practice as actually doing it. With the great benefit that there are no witnesses if it goes wrong! Only when you are ready will you move on to testing it with other people.