A few years ago, I sat at this wedding and met a younger woman who had gone to two Ivy League schools and had a master’s degree and a Ph.D. and had run marathons and traveled to countries like Cambodia and Vietnam. Not only that, but she was amazingly pretty, she could sing hip hop at the karaoke bar, she had a captivating sense of humor, and a sweet husband with loads of money. Clearly, she had obtained a nice package from the Great Cosmic Travel Agent in heaven. The encounter made me want to run home and win a Nobel Peace Prize or at least clean up my base. Where had my time gone? Why hadn’t she accomplished more with my life?
“Let’s keep in touch,” he said cheerfully, when the night was over. And I thought to myself that it could get expensive for me, with the therapy bills and all.
Comparison is such an unpleasant business. A complete stranger could stir up a hornet’s nest in me, just by being impertinently impeccable and sitting next to me with a good perfume. In the wisdom tradition of A Course in Miracles, he says, “Love makes no comparisons.” He says this, not because it’s a nice thing to do, but because comparison is impossible. We do not know the trip that another person is making. We don’t know the journey we’re on. We do not know the miracles that are right in front of us, when we choose to enter our current life without regrets or holding back.
“I should have done more with my life now” is a comment I often hear from clients. They are full of comparisons, regrets and shreds of dreams that tempt and goad them. They come home from work sterile and restless. They have survived on autopilot and “survival” costs them peace of mind. They want sweeter days. They yearn for achievements that reverberate in their soul. But here is the real secret. They do not regret their past. They regret their present.
You only regret the past when you are not in love with the moment in front of you. Change this moment, and you will change how you feel about everything. You can’t be in the wrong life… if you’re in an enchanted moment.
The comparison will cost you enchantment. When I strain to see my neighbor’s garden, I have taken my eyes off mine. “My God, look at the size of those roses”, I despair, while my piece of land withers with abandon. Nothing grows without attention and love. Also, nothing stays the same when you offer love and attention.
Do you want to live a life without regrets, regardless of the decisions you have made in the past? Make these decisions right now. Keep your eyes on your own roses and take care of them with everything you have. Immerse yourself in accepting and blessing your own unique circumstances. Take a small step, a big step, a sacred step in the direction that calls to you right now. Trust that you are not alone and that you will have what you absolutely need. Diving into this moment with integrity answers everything. There is no past or future. No other options. It doesn’t matter what other people have. You have this amazing moment.