My plan was to wait until Sunday to tune in to the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am because by then even the TV people have gotten tired of seeing the George Lopez act, there are fewer celebrities on the field so we get to see some golf tournament played by professionals.
I thought I could hack it though, so I tuned it in a bit every day. There was Huey Lewis, Kevin Costner, Kenny G, Carson Daly and Bill Murray, who is starting to undermine his personality by continuing to appear in this shitty job of a professional golf tournament, er, pro-am. By Sunday he had given up hope that they would really show golf.
Murray is no longer fun on the field. He is sad. He doesn’t do Carl Spackler, so what we got instead of him was a silly hat and when he took a good shot, he unbuttoned his shirt to reveal a T-shirt. This is fun? Is this worth watching for five minutes when the pros on the leaderboard are making moves somewhere off camera? Even Murray, who I’ve always called funny just because — look at him and laugh — can’t make this tournament remotely enjoyable to watch for anyone interested in professional golf tournaments. (Could be an age thing: I wonder if Will Ferrell unbuttoned his shirt, that would be hysterical.) And Murray is the ultimate entertainment opportunity among the likes of Costner, Huey Lewis, Carson Daly… and George Lopez.
Nick Faldo and David Feherty still can’t get enough of Lopez and Jim Nantz was there with them, laughing, ho ho ha ha, that’s a funny man, in fact, he’s a riot… Not funny. He’s clean and safe for CBS, but he’s definitely not funny. Maybe he’s funny on his show, but clowning around at these pro-ams isn’t any funnier than the guy at the family cookout who’s all been programmed to think he’s funny, but he really isn’t. He’s just an attention monger.
Nantz is impossible. There’s a connection to his voice and the Masters that will always be there for me, but he’s more of a company man with each passing year. Hearing Nantz point to this CEO or that CEO playing this pro or that pro—he even tells us the CEO’s country club of origin—reinforces the stereotype of exclusivity that remains the norm of golf The old rich and connected like Rush Limbaugh drinking, smoking a cigar and chasing the ball down the field.
The only positive thing I can say about golf last week on TV is that the ocean shots were nice, as always. CBS was liberal in its cuts, and for the most part, Faldo, Nantz, and company were smart enough to shut up and let the pictures speak for themselves.
Anyway, as always, this horrible stretch of Hollywood golf has almost turned me off. Augusta can’t come soon enough. The aforementioned stereotype of exclusivity permeates the old nursery, of course, but at least there are no clowns taking up camera time when we could be watching golf. And the mostly commercial-free stuff continues to make the Masters a more enjoyable sporting event to watch on TV than almost any other major game in sports, including the Super Bowl.
Last week: I took a bath in Mickelson. I’m done with him. I’m serious this time. In the past I have ruled him out as far as betting on him to win. Now I’m not going to bet on him to lose either, as I did in heads-up. There is only one other golfer to whom I apply this self-imposed out of bounds restriction, Chris DiMarco, and I have to tell you that since I swore it my life has been better.
Tiger will not be playing at the Riviera Country Club for this week’s Nissan Open outside of La La Land. A pity, because we would have seen the first real course of the year: most of the top 20 in the world will be there, except for a handful of Europeans and Davis Love. In ten years, Tiger will have his schedule reduced to four: the majors. I wouldn’t blame him. He owes nothing to the Tour. In this debate, if there is something to do, it is the Tour a Tigre. the most recognizable
athlete in the world is a golfer. Nuff said.
I’m tempted to take Jeff Quinney at 100-1 given his hot start, but he’s yet to play on a big field in a true shot-making field like Riviera. So…
At this week’s Nissan Open, take David Toms (40-1) in the 1/6 outright drive: Toms is a fast-starter and this year is no different: T8 (Mercedes), T13 (Sony, where he defended) and T8 (RBF). Soft shots from tee to green, especially on the green.
Take Jim Furyk (12-1), 1/6 unit: Did you see him answering questions about Clownfest through gritted teeth? The look on his face summed up my frustration. At least he could turn off the television or move on to something else. He had to play 7 hour rounds of golf with clowns and hackers. That may be the last time we see Furyk at Pebble until the US Open.
Take John Rollins (66-1), 1/6 unit: The question is whether or not the bye week is going to slow him down. An unknown veteran, he is one of the best golfers of the moment. I liked that he held strong in Phoenix and, except for a hard break hitting the flagstick on the final hole that could have helped him make the playoffs, he bounced back nicely from a poorly played playoff hole in the Bob Hope. He was shooting bowls Sunday at the FBR — you’ve got to like that from a guy coming off a second seed in the playoffs. Is it the Bart Bryant of Rollins 2007? (Probably not now that I’ve suggested it.)