Mother Teresa is such an intriguing and perplexing figure that she suffered from self-doubt, as revealed in recent books, so the idea of ​​learning more about her from a sister of her Missionaries of Charity is appealing. The book was not disappointing, as Mother Teresa is seen as perhaps a more real person than in other books. She is not diminished in this view; she just seems larger than life and holy.

This book, however, also provides a critical look at Mother Teresa’s order, showing the hypocrisy, at times, and the warts on what is, after all, an institution run by flawed but wonderful people. The view presented is insightful as the author worked in that environment for over twenty years. I admired Johnson’s ability to thrive, despite and because of his strengths and flaws. He made the story powerful without whitewashing the negatives or discounting the positives. Despite his decision to leave the nuns and his vows, he never renounces his faith in Mother Teresa. The power of Mother Teresa continues.

This is a good story, well told. We see the community of sisters as if we ourselves were there, experiencing the ups and downs. The fact that the lows ultimately won was sad, but well established throughout the Johnson story. It is not a surprise that she decides to leave. That life is not for everyone; a person must be exceptionally strong to withstand the demands.

We get another glimpse of the suffering we all know Mother Teresa experienced, but we also see the struggles all the Missionaries of Charity nuns endured in physical pain and loneliness. There is much more that can be said regarding why suffering seems to be so prominent in the Church. If life is about suffering, isn’t it also about joy? One does not get the sense of balance in this story either from the individual sisters or from Mother Teresa herself.

Another concept that strikes me is that Johnson wanted to be an individual, with less and less strict “Rules” – the main reason, it seems, why he left the church. What was very understandable and made his story empathetic to many of us is his statement: “he longed to be noticed, appreciated, approved of.” Wow, that is so true for so many. The honesty in that statement is what draws readers to Johnson’s story. In many ways, it is the story of all of us, especially women. Not wanting to be diminished, we still strive to help others achieve and all too often lose a part of ourselves in doing so. One does not need to take the vows of a religious to experience the loss of individuality. We applaud Johnson’s struggle to find his own voice. I wish I could have done it within the Missionaries, but it shows the impossibility of that for her.

Without revealing the end, although the reader knows from the beginning that she leaves the commission, I was disappointed, not with the book but with her final choice. That is a discussion, however, for another time or place. There is much to ponder in these memoirs for readers of all religious persuasions. What we share in life is much more evident than what separates us; Johnson manages to convey that.