Women will commonly ask, even subconsciously, what they look for in a man they want to call their husband. Men will do the same with regard to a wife. But for women they look for a particular type of husband. They need a husband with potential: one who will grow, who will adapt, who will lead gently, someone who is already committed to working on himself and who is an old-fashioned man.
But there is a very fine line in all this search. For those who already have a husband, there is a temptation to force their man to become a sensitive new age guy. This is fraught with danger, because no man wants to be coerced, just like no woman.
For those looking for a potential husband, perhaps the most important clue is to identify within the man they are interested in, the character traits that show them to be committed to working on themselves. Are they virtue oriented? Do they seek to become better people as they get older? Are they improvement oriented? Are you willing to see yourself as wrong?
POTENTIAL IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PERFECTION
By far what is needed most in a husband is potential and not perfection. A woman’s intuition is more sated by the man who fails but she has a heart to try than by the man who supposedly never makes a mistake.
When it comes to husbands, and also to the characteristics of wives, perfection is significantly overrated. In the realm of relationships, whether alone with ourselves or, in this case, in marriage, perfection is unheard of. And if perfection is to be striven for, we must associate it with a sense of sinful pride. It is wrong to want to be perfect or to expect perfection from our peers.
Perfection and relationships don’t mix.
The typical woman’s heart melts at the sincerity of the man’s diligence to do the best he can. She, in her prime, doesn’t push it; she never expects perfection. She learns not to grow in the face of her failures. She learns not to give up. While her husband tries and shows potential and is not harmful, she stays by her side, believing in him.
RECOGNIZING POTENTIAL AND GOOD EFFORTS
A great number of marriages can be improved simply through positive feedback; recognition of good efforts where recognition is due. Perhaps the perfectionist wife, who whimpers often, could discourage her husband from doing better. She soon learns that the effort is not worth it. It is possible that the potential of her has been extinguished. The fire of effort in this husband’s heart needs to be rekindled by a supportive and encouraging wife.
The wife who focuses on her husband’s potential, however, compliments him on the things he tries, both small and big, on the intent behind his actions. A husband with potential has much more to do with intention and virtuosity than with being perfect in every way.
When the potential husband is recognized for the intent behind his efforts, he is encouraged to continue working on self-improvement.
Women want and need a man with potential, who is committed to working on himself; not the perfect man His intention and his efforts in the relationship are paramount; its results are secondary. Failure is not a deal breaker. Men need to focus on trying first and foremost.
© 2012 SJ Wickham.