As Christmas Day 2021 approaches, I am once again reminded of how my husband Brian loved this special time of year. A family man at heart, he loved nothing more than to bring the whole family together to share fun and good humor. This was especially true after our three children; Michelle, Clint and Julie had left home and their moments together were even more precious.
In mid-December of each year, Brian and I would take our Christmas tree out of storage and decorate it together. This never failed to get us into the holiday spirit and encourage us to join the throng of holiday shoppers looking for the perfect gift for their family and friends.
No matter how organized we were with our shopping, the wrapping was always left at the last minute and we would sit until the wee hours of Christmas Eve, placing our carefully chosen presents under the tree. Lack of sleep never diminished the joy we felt when the family gathered the next day for the long-awaited gift-giving. Our dogs, Ben and Rufus, who also received treats, loved joining in on the fun.
Although Brian enjoyed this family custom as much as we did, preparing Christmas dinner was his favorite. An amazing cook, he would plan the menu each year, buy the ingredients, and then spend hours in the kitchen putting everything together. Always willing to try something new, he often found new recipes and followed them to the letter. His patience and his attention to detail never ceased to amaze me.
Whatever Brian cooked, it was amazing and we all ate way more than we should. Needless to say, there wasn’t much action at the Kember house on Christmas afternoons, we usually sat down to talk about the past year and our plans for the next.
Any plans Brian and I had for the future came to an end in 1999. Diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma just two weeks before Christmas that year, Brian’s prognosis was 3-9 months. The shock and sadness we experienced knowing that this Christmas would be our last made it impossible for us to find any joy. When New Year’s Eve rolled around, it was the saddest night we’d ever known.
Though we couldn’t have known it at the time, this wasn’t going to be Brian’s last Christmas. By the grace of God, he was still alive 12 months after his prognosis and was once again looking forward to Christmas celebrations, including his due Christmas dinner. Because the chemotherapy treatment successfully shrank his tumor, he was once again able to eat solid food, a dream come true after surviving for months on pureed food.
christmas blessing
On Christmas Day 2000, we held our gift-giving ceremony as usual, but there was nothing customary on this day. After months of fearing that Brian would no longer be with us, his presence was the most precious gift any of us could have asked for. Christmas dinner, once again prepared by Brian, was delicious, our enjoyment enhanced by the fact that Brian was eating alongside us.
Later that day, we invited our friends and neighbors over for Christmas drinks and sat down to talk about everything except Brian’s illness. It was so nice to take cancer out of our minds for a while and feel ‘normal’ if only for a while. For Brian and I, it was the perfect ending to a perfect Christmas day.
Our last Christmas together
Brian’s health deteriorated rapidly over the next year, but he was still with us in December and once again thought of his favorite time of the year and often wondered how many days until Christmas. Despite being on oxygen and needing a wheelchair to get around, he helped me buy gifts and food for Christmas dinner, even though he was no longer able to eat it.
Four days before Christmas, Brian couldn’t get out of bed. He knew that his long battle with mesothelioma was coming to an end and it broke my heart to know that his desire to be with us on Christmas day was not going to be there.
But then I had an idea. Why not celebrate Christmas early?
The kids agreed that this was a wonderful idea, so we brought the Christmas tree and all the presents up to Brian’s room and sat around his bed so he could participate in our gift-opening ceremony.
I will never forget the look of joy on her face when she saw us open the precious gifts she had chosen for us.
Brian passed away on December 24, 2001. Time has eased the pain of my loss, but memories of Brian are always with me, especially in the holiday season.
Christmas will never be the same without him. I miss this beautiful man and the passion he had for this time of year. I miss the joy he brought to the table with every delicious meal he cooked. It would be so easy for me to give in to sadness at this time each year, but I choose not to. Instead, I find joy in the gift of life that I am living and in the loved ones who share my life with me.
I know this is what Brian would have wanted.