Sometimes you wonder when your sweet and charming cherub became the stubborn and distinctive personality that it is today. It seems like yesterday you were tying shoes, buttoning jackets, and reading bedtime stories. Now your baby speaks a completely different language and wants to spend most of his time with his friends. Not everything is lost; you still have the opportunity to be a part of your teen’s life. In fact, they will both be better off with it. Spending one-on-one time together is an important part of connecting with your teen.
Time together can be found in the simplest tasks. Teens may be asked to help mom or dad with tasks like dinner, car maintenance, garage cleaning, etc. conversations often start over a shared task. Sending them out to do homework alone will get the job done, but joining them at work will not only make it faster, it will also provide an opportunity to bond.
Gardening is another great joint activity, but bonding is best accomplished when gardening chores are shared. It is difficult to have a meaningful conversation about the sound of the lawnmower and the herbicide. Those tasks are important, to be sure, but the time you spend working together weeding a flower bed or raking leaves will be much more effective in the bonding process.
As you spend time together, even if you are working while doing it, be sure to introduce an element of fun. Don’t be afraid to have fun and try to relax if things get a bit complicated. You may have a little extra cleaning after dinner or you may have to rake the leaves again, but the bond that comes from playful interaction is priceless.
The time you spend together watching a movie or playing a video game is good too. There is certainly something that gets shared when you get together and share an experience. However, it does not allow for the quality of conversation that will encourage them to talk about what is happening in their lives. They will bond on some level while playfully bullying each other about a game, but the conversations will focus on the fast-moving action of the movie or video game.
Going out to play a real basketball game beats virtual basketball on so many different levels. It is very easy to put a portable basketball hoop in your driveway. There is a time between game talks for conversations about real life. Going outside with a real basketball and throwing a few hoops provides the action that can start conversations, but the pacing is more conducive to meaningful interactions.
Another way to bond with your teen is to plan an outing together from time to time. Not only will this provide plenty of bonding opportunities, but it will also help both of you relax and rejuvenate away from the responsibilities and pressures of daily life. Take a day and go fishing, hit the bike trails, attend a run, or whatever activity you both enjoy.
Adolescence is relatively short, but it is a time of great growth. During these years there is enormous potential for success or failure, some of which can have long-lasting implications for better or for worse. You will be better able to guide your son or daughter through this age by spending meaningful time together regularly.