When you are faced with an emotional situation, self-control is not easy. Faced with the actions of your partner, it is difficult not to react. Learning to stop and think, to respond thoughtfully and carefully rather than quickly and automatically, takes practice. However, mastering self-control is always worth it, because it makes every moment of your life easier. Have you heard the phrase “Emotional Intelligence”? It just means emotional self-control.
use internal dialogue
Self-talk is one of the most powerful tools you can use to learn emotional self-control. Everyone has an ongoing mental dialogue, which is often negative or self-defeating. The good news is that you can choose to replace this negative monologue with something more positive. The brain tends to repeat familiar things over and over again, going back and forth along established neural pathways. Repeating a mantra, affirmation, or choice over and over again creates new pathways, which eventually become automatic. New thoughts will go through your head like old thoughts did, or like a popular song you’ve heard over and over again. Only this song won’t be about your lost love, it will be about supporting yourself.
If your self-talk feels “naturally negative,” you may be creating a self-fulfilling identity, which undermines your ability to choose your responses. To change this, learn to pay attention to your inner monologue: what do you tell yourself about the day ahead, about mistakes, about your luck? If these messages are negative, changing them can lift your spirits and optimism.
Positive and happy people have an easier time in life and bounce back from problems faster. There are things you can do to increase your level of optimism, even if you can’t change who you are. Know yourself: if you love silence, you tend to be quiet, you like quiet conversations and not big parties, this may be a genetic trait: your hearing and nervous system may be more sensitive than others, and this trait does not will disappear. However, you can make the most of it and learn that creating a lot of tranquility in your life will make you a happier and calmer person. If, on the other hand, you’re a social party animal and enjoy noise and excitement, you can also use that as an asset.
Your thoughts affect your mood, and the way you relate to yourself can either lift you up or bring you down. Neural activity in the brain activates hormones that are identical to feelings. Constant self-criticism results in a “what’s the point?” attitude, which leads to depression and a moody attitude, which doesn’t work well in your life or in your relationships. Continuous, floating thoughts of impending doom lead to anxiety attacks. Self-negative – Talking creates stress. To help clients become aware of self-inflicted stress, I ask them to be aware of what they are telling themselves: a constant stream of negativity will create stress; just like being chased by someone who is constantly criticizing you would be stressful. If my client is having an internal mental battle and is not able to come to a solid decision, it also increases the stress. Dysfunctional relationship patterns also create stress. For example, if you constantly feel guilty… bumped into another person, or you and your spouse fight, or you are overly concerned with other people’s opinions about who you are and what you are doing, you will be much more stressed than if knew how to get along with others, when to listen and when to trust yourself. Many of my clients don’t realize that they are responsible for their own feelings and no one else is responsible for making them feel better.
Patience
Patience is another way to describe emotional self-control. Learning to be patient and calm reduces and relieves stress and worry. Cultivating patience is really learning to control impulses: it is a problem of self-control. You can learn how to do “emotional maintenance” and get rid of stress, stay on top of what you want to do, and let go of frustration when something gets to you. Patience is learning to wait until you have thought before acting and making sure you understand your options and take control of your own ideas and decisions. It is a process of growth, a transformation of oneself through awareness and learning.
To gain patience, learn not to act on impulse, but to change your thinking and attitude, and seek support and encouragement. To learn the necessary patience and determination that improve your communication, these seven steps will help you.
Seven steps to help you learn to be patient:
1: Wait: The old “count to 10 before responding” advice is a great way to learn patience. Give yourself the opportunity to give your best answer.
2: Use Perspective: Put your impulses or desires in perspective. Will it be important in an hour; fifteen minutes from now? Most of them won’t be.
3. Self-understanding: If you are tempted to act or speak on impulse, understand that the impulse is normal, but you don’t have to go along with it. Reactions and impulses are normal; what he counts is how carefully we acted on them.
4: Take a longer view: If you’re reacting because someone upset you (eg your partner hurt your feelings) say a little prayer of thanks that it wasn’t worse, say a blessing for your partner (who probably need) and you will feel better. If you’re tempted to act impulsively, stop for a minute and consider your larger goal; then decide if the momentary boost is worth delaying your goal.
5. Give yourself a break: If you act on impulse before thinking about it, acknowledge that you did it, then forgive yourself and return to normal. If you find yourself acting on impulse too often, then perhaps your goal is too rigid and you need to give yourself a little more space or renegotiate the contract with your spouse.
6. Consider the source: Urges are often a reaction to external circumstances. For example, being upset that your partner is not available, when you could enjoy using the time you have for yourself. Make sure that what you do is what you really want to do.
7: Celebrate – Remember to celebrate your accomplishments and every time you do what you put your mind to, keep your promises, and make things happen. Frequent small celebrations are a way to reward yourself for patience and increase your motivation to be even more patient.